Jonathan D. OC.

Oh Father.

I remember something my father telling me before he left us…”be a better man than me, better than all of this.” I always kept that in the back of my mind, and even as angry as I was at my father I never forgot that. I guess I spent a majority of my life trying to be a better man than my father, the first thing I did to spite him was claiming edge and choosing not to allow myself to use outlets like drugs and alcohol to help me cope with life. I was an extremely angry kid and I feel like I was more running away from the idea of how my father thought I saw him. I remember how fragile he looked when he told me he was leaving, how disappointed in himself he was.

Now that I’ve grown up I’ve learned to accept my father for what he was. He was a provider and a protector but not in the way I would of done it. He provided for his family the only way he knew how and when we were old enough to take care of ourselves he removed himself from our lives because he didn’t want us to be a part of the only way he knew how to live.

Though my father did not earn an honest living,he did earn my respect now that I am a man. I now won’t live my life trying to be a better man than him, I’ll live my life trying to be a better version of him.